Chapter 1 |
Chapter 5 (excerpt):
Dreaming Together Love's Deeps, Destinies, and Disarrays Perhaps, in the end, there are no dreams intrinsically more healing than those which demonstrate we are profoundly connected to each other---that our separation is an illusion; that we are part of a living skein that extends beyond our own skin and skull. No matter what turmoil we go through with our families, it seems that our ties---sometimes to our chagrin---are non-negotiable. On some subliminal level, in the very coursing of the blood, we seem to "track" our loved ones through life. My own "true" dreams about my parents, grandparents, children, wife, ex-lovers, and closest friends have been so marked and frequent that I no longer hesitate to phone them upon awakening from a significant dream. More often than not, it turns out there is a reason. ` In older traditional cultures, this "dream-tracking" of family was a given. A 74-year-old grandmother told me she learned to watch her dreams for "news" of loved ones from her grandfather, the scion of a 19th century pioneer family and, she says, "the first white boy born in Ukiah, California." Her grandfather would often dream about family back East, particularly in matters of health. "He would see them all in a rowboat together. If it tipped over, it meant trouble. If in his dream he was able to save someone, he would get a letter they'd been very ill but had recovered. And if he couldn't save them, he would find out later that they had died." Such dreams often have "cues" that telegraph they contain significant news about a loved one. Dr. Merloo, for one, believes we each live in a sea of "unconscious and unobtrusive interaction" with our intimates. This, he believes, is a hidden source of our ego-defenses. "We all have "thick skins," he suggests, to "continually ward off" the thoughts and feelings of others, which moment to moment "bombard us." Merloo's clinical findings suggested that such communications take place "under less pleasant conflict situations," in times of distress or danger. Because people are "afraid to give up their illusion of autonomy," he concludes, it takes the battering ram of an emergency to punch through the hard shell of separateness. People do tend to take a "gee-whiz" attitude toward paranormal dreams---the classic "I hadn't spoken to or even thought about Renee for ten years, then last night I dreamed she called me, and today she did!"---and then leave it at that. But closer examination would reveal a mine (if not a minefield!) of mutual emotional history. A single Healing Dream may display, as if on a radar screen, the entire family gestalt. Even the clearest, most objective-seeming dream of this sort often contains distortions having everything to do with the psyche's attempt to grapple with hidden interpersonal issues. To tell another person about their guest-appearance in a dream can have catalytic effects on our relationships.... |
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